Kool Keith - "Cheesecake"

Kool Keith has been doing the laziest fucking hooks in human history for decades now. It still works, too.

When Lil' B dropped "Ellen Degeneres," a million broken haters crawled towards the sun, lamenting how lazy his hooks were. Half of them owned Dr. Octagon on vinyl. Keith fathered that whole style -- minimal effort, maximum results. Sure, "THEY DOGS DRINK MY PISS" surpasses anything Kodak Black could give you today, but my point remains.

Kool Keith was on social media before Bruce Sterling realized that was possible. If you take nothing else away from this, know that much.

Can you imagine being in the room when Columbia records was handed Black Elvis/Lost in Space? Those poor bastards were still trying to figure out if they could make more money off Slayer than The Afghan Whigs. This is back when Destiny's Child was starting to blow up, back when their Epitaph imprint was still making Offspring money. Just a bunch of terrified children.

I'm probably only trying to justify -- to romanticize -- what Kool Keith "meant" by his crap-tastic catalog. Strip away the, uh, concepts, and we're only left with another rapper full of ideas but too smart to do all that work. Kool Keith nailed the perfect persona early and coasted ever since. Year after year after year.

...and is that even an insult? This is a big part of why he's The Godfather to this day. Shit, one of my favorite Keith personas never even happened: Ricky the Fly Wine Taster, which got scooped by some bitch "producer" from The Netherlands with the same ethics as Com Truise.

My favorite Keith album remains Masters of Illusion. Motion Man brought out the best of him back when he still had the energy to give it.

So is it weird that the "Lao Tzu in hip-hop" conscious crew at Mello Music Group are putting out videos that are 70% strippers in 2017? Frankly, no. And that's a stupid question. The Kali Yuga devours us all, it's just not evenly distributed yet. Keith will keep perfecting this same recipe until he dies. That probably means he's got fifty to one hundred great tracks left in him. That has to happen somewhere.

Was this song good? Was this video good? Again, fuck no. But what truly matters is that Keith keeps racking up points under the same name he's been giving Critical Beatdowns with since 1988. No matter how much work you put into your bars, no matter how many songs you release between here and the grave: few of you will ever match up. Die slow.

Pop Iconz - Georgia Anne Muldrow

Is it absurd for us to post this? Almost definitely. Here at Real Yeti Rap, we celebrate Stitches, advocate drug use, and devote most of our work here to the painstaking demolition of underground rap dreams. By any standard, we are horrible people, intent on becoming even worse. None of that means we can't enjoy this video, though. As the lady herself explains:

“We as parents have to walk a very fine line between being watchful and overprotective of what our kids are exposed to...and that job is being made even more difficult by the hyper-sexual, consumerist and vain aesthetic packed with visual associations that are intentionally targeting the pre-teen generation. I’m placing the blame on the corporate agenda that abuses the minds and souls of talented or even aspiring artists.

To represent an awareness that is willfully avoidant of self-realization is the bottom line for these influencers of consciousness; if someone’s life goals are completely external his/her mind can easily be subdued and controlled.

Art means too much to me, I ain’t having it."

Mello Music Group - Mandalas Vol 1 & 2

A strong contender for Best Rap Project of 2014, at this point. This absurdly over-stuffed collection is a testament to the roster Michael Tolle has built.



"An embarrassment of riches." MMG's output in 2014 has been nothing short of absurd: Apollo Brown, L'Orange, Open Mike Eagle...an almost unfair level of bi-coastal consolidation of talent.



It must not go without comment that the cover art is gorgeous work. That's Matt Andres and you should hire him. Soon.

Apollo Brown - Cellophane Cypher

Props to Ras Kass for sitting down with a bunch of young, hungry spitters. Great cipher here over a recent Apollo Brown beat, "Thirty Eight." Apparently Ras Kass has an album in the works with Mello Music Group, which will feature production from L'Orange, Oddisee and Apollo Brown, so...that's good news, right?

Damn right it is.

"Go To Work" - Has-Lo and Castle

Good to see Mello Music Group taking advantage of the best emcee on their roster again. Granted, they just signed Open Mike Eagle and everyone in Diamond District is on point, but still: Has-Lo is a gem. Castle is damn strong, too, and the chemistry here is outstanding. This track is the lead single off their upcoming album "Live Like You're Dead" which promises to be an ambitious banger.



Also, that badass cover art is courtesy of Philly phenom Dewey Decibel, who also raps pretty.

"People Hear What They See" - Oddisee

Dense, thoughtful, brilliant. This is one hell of an album.