"Go Hard" - Al Bundy

We've gotta warn you upfront: it takes a special kind of warped mind to sit through this past the first 2 bars. This is megadeaths beyond car crash metaphors, a perfectly paired video & song as empty as the plains of Antarctica at noon. There is nothing here -- but yet it is a special kind of nothing behind the eyes of name-thief and attempted rapper Al Bundy. His yearning for pure celebrity shines through like a sick, feverish mirror of The Whole Damn Rap Game, verily.

There's no way this cat could convince me that he listens to rap. No amount of bonafides or obscure album names would change my mind. The whole "go hard / viagra" punchline thing was dumb-as-fuck played out while the World Trade Center still had working elevators. Right now, it's 2014. This isn't about generational cycles, this is about kids who "rap" because they know that's how people get famous.

A strange thing to say about a chunk of art, but still, it's best qualities conspire against it. The fact that this is such a technically accomplished piece of work for a low-budget video only emphasizes what a blank wall you're staring at.

So consider this a low water mark, a placeholder for the Most Vapid Rap Video we've seen so far. There are thousands of contenders coming for that title, so enjoy it while it lasts, Al Bundy. Enjoy it while it lasts.