THE INBOXXX: "INTRO" - M-Dubbs

DJ SQUID: Are you punishing me for something? We're really gonna watch this?

Hump Jones: They just tried out every effect in iMovie in the first four seconds of the video. I think this is going to be awesome. I have high hopes because I was pretty impressed with the submission copy: "Hey everyone, Please check out my music video for the intro to my in-progress Mixtape when you have the chance."

DJ SQUID: There's something really wrong with you.

Hump Jones: I can't make fun of this beat because I would definitely rap on this. This is by someone called GettsBeats, which is an unfortunate name, but I dig what I hear. Also, this kid looks like he is fifteen years old and he says "fuckin" twice in the first two bars of the song.

DJ SQUID: This shit is pure anthropology. My soul hurts. Look at these slow-motion shots of white kids giving each other awkward daps. Also, the top of this kids head appears to be on the verge of explosion. Every shot. I'm just waiting for it to pop. I feel like every video you make me watch is basically a horror movie.

Hump Jones: That's just because you don't have email. This kid is funny, I'm rooting for him. He's got the attitude down. I feel like he might not be reading his rhymes while he's writing them, but his hubris alone might get him past 18 profitably if he keeps making videos once a month. I just hope he doesn't have any kids.

DJ SQUID: Okay, he's seventeen. He just told us that. That isn't very impressive.

Hump Jones Fuck no. There are rappers who aren't even in middle school yet that cut a better verse than this mongoloid. He knows it, too, he looks bored in every shot. I feel like maybe we should turn this off now that we know he's underage.

DJ SQUID: It's crazy, right? This kid will never improve. There is no room for growth here, he's already doomed.

Hump Jones: We are horrible people.

DJ SQUID: He should just never take that hat off again and he'll be okay.