DJ Squid: Actually, motherfucker, the correct spelling for this feature is THE INBOXXX. Drop that shit.
Hump Jones: Sweet Christ, that is officially Too Much Compression, daug. Hook is meh, her voice is great, though.
DJ Squid: Hella overcompressed, you can tell the beat has been double-overcompressed ...vocals are too flat, way in the back. Savannah Teller has a dope voice and complements the track well. These raps aren't bad but they're hella forgettable.
Hump Jones: Delivery is too friendly, flows are too simple. Does that matter? Probably not. In real life, if you bought beats like this on the regular, you could rap what the fuck ever for 16 bars, get a Savannah Teller in the booth for a hook, and go on tour before 2014. Speaking of which...
DJ Squid: Yeah. This beat is Evil Needle's One for Kennedy. We could probably spend 20 minutes on the question of whether or not he had, like, permission. Except you know he didn't.
Hump Jones: I'm always baffled when people submit music to us at all, man.
DJ Squid:Savannah went a little off key at the end there on the harmonies.
Hump Jones: Yeah, you're a dick. Compression was so out of control on those hooks, on a literal and technical level. Overall, I'm not sure if this was an improvement upon the instrumental. Does it matter that he's legally underage, daug?
DJ Squid: I gotta say, man, I am instantly put off by any track intro that involves the artist's age. If we were on a 10-point rating system I might give it a six, you know? Six out of ten Pangboche Hands.
Hump Jones: Whalam. Explain, daug.
DJ Squid: Aight, bitch. Highlights: Excellent beat by Evil Needle, beautiful hook vocals, positive track vibes/message. Lowlights: uninspired lyrics and vocals, terrible mixing, hella overdone sound/premise. Clear enough?
Hump Jones: I agree with six out of ten Arbitrary Signifiers, two young kids with strong potential making a practice track. Who should also mix their vocals and their stolen beats on a separate bus so they don't have to squelch their drums all to fuck.
DJ Squid: Let me finish, tho. This has been THE INBOXXX. Send your emails to this hippie, not me. PEACE!
YoHumpJones@gmail.com yo
ReplyDeletemind you this is my first song... ever.
ReplyDeletepretty rough critics you two are, but i appreciate the post nonetheless.
And we're actually extremely kind-hearted compared to our friends! Just know that we exist.
ReplyDeleteYou'll make a lot more money ignoring people with high standards, remember that.